<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Things I Am No Longer Allowed To Do as a Member of the New Squidbeak Splatoon by calamari_kincantation</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24381511">Things I Am No Longer Allowed To Do as a Member of the New Squidbeak Splatoon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/calamari_kincantation/pseuds/calamari_kincantation'>calamari_kincantation</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Splatoon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:47:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,300</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24381511</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/calamari_kincantation/pseuds/calamari_kincantation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>marie is *so tired* you guys</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Things I Am No Longer Allowed To Do as a Member of the New Squidbeak Splatoon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i may or may not be a splatoon kinnie shhh.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>1. Marie is always right.<br/>
2. Callie is right sometimes too, but not if it supersedes rule 1.<br/>
3. If a plan makes Marie say ‘I’m not mad, just disappointed...’ it’s a bad plan.<br/>
4. The proper response to an order is not “Why?”<br/>
5. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Callie or Agent 4.<br/>
6. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.<br/>
7. Agents are to stop making jokes about Marie’s resting bitch face.<br/>
8. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.<br/>
9. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.<br/>
10. No megaphones.<br/>
11. I will not take out a life insurance policy on any Agent.<br/>
12. Not allowed to “defect” to the Octarian side during training missions.<br/>
13. Callie is not allowed to ACTUALLY defect to the Octarian side.<br/>
14. Must not make s’mores while on guard duty.<br/>
15.  Not allowed to join any militia.<br/>
16. Not allowed to form any militia.<br/>
17. Agents are to refrain from calling Agent Three an ‘edgelord’, even if it is true.<br/>
18. “Octavio looked lonely” is not a valid reason to let him out of the Snowglobe.<br/>
19. Neither is any reason Callie comes up with<br/>
20. Befriending Octavio is not a valid way to end the Great Turf War for good.<br/>
21. Especially if Callie thinks ‘it’ll work this time’.<br/>
22. Agents are not authorised to fire other Agents<br/>
23. Not even if they annoy you.<br/>
24. Alien abduction is not a valid reason to be 45 minutes late for a mission<br/>
25. Agents do not have ‘the power of God and Anime on their side’.<br/>
26. Agents will not refer to the Squid Sisters as "bookends".<br/>
27. Agents are not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Octavio.<br/>
28. Callie DEFINITELY isn’t.<br/>
29. None of the Agents are allowed to mess with Ouija Boards.<br/>
30. “Act Natural” is not a challenge.<br/>
31. Neither is “DO IT FOR THE VINE”.<br/>
32. ‘A KNIFE’ is not an appropriate response when Marie asks to see what you have.<br/>
33. Even if it IS what you have.<br/>
34. Why do you have a knife.<br/>
35. The proper response to any question from Marie is never "Yippy Ki Yay, Motherfucker!"<br/>
36. Agents will not start food fights.<br/>
37. Agents will not FINISH food fights.<br/>
38. Not every minor argument is the next Splatfest.<br/>
39. Even if they would make good ones.<br/>
40. Even if Agent Four was right one time.<br/>
41. The "I Hate Octavio" Club is not a valid after-work activity.<br/>
42. Marie will allow the “I Hate Tartar” Club, though.<br/>
43. Making Squid Sister action figures without their permission is wrong.<br/>
44. Making Agent Three pay double for them is also wrong.<br/>
45. The Laws of Physics are not “a challenge”.<br/>
46. Your title is Agent, not “Galactic Overlord of All Things’<br/>
47. Agents are no longer allowed to assign nicknames<br/>
48. No, not even if they’re accurate.<br/>
49. Agents are not allowed to convince Callie to put on the hypnoshades again, even if it would be funny.<br/>
50. Agents are not allowed to convince Agent Eight that random days are holidays.<br/>
51. They are also not allowed to teach Eight any ‘inkling customs’<br/>
52. Saying 'oops, I missed' does NOT excuse missing a shot by that much.<br/>
53. Nor does claiming 'I hit exactly what I aimed at'.<br/>
54. ‘WHAT’S UP FUCKERS’ is not an appropriate greeting when entering the Base.<br/>
55. No playing inappropriate music when Marie or Agent Three walk in. This includes (but is not limited to):<br/>
The Imperial March<br/>
Anything related to X-Files, Doctor Who, Torchwood<br/>
‘Danger Zone’<br/>
Anything implying Three is an edgelord</p><p>56. Whoopie Cushions and other ‘noisemaker devices’ such as cherry bombs, party poppers and cap guns are now considered contraband.<br/>
57. Same goes for Tamagotchi.<br/>
58. Honor duelling is expressly prohibited under any circumstance.<br/>
59. Stealthy means 'to remain undetected' not 'see how many Splat Bombs you can tape to an Octarian before they notice’<br/>
60. The NSS is not a piracy operation nor will its operatives act like they’re part of a pirate crew.<br/>
61.  The recent rise of anti-piracy crackdowns does not mean Marie is in support of carrying around ninja equipment, even if she WAS Team Ninja.<br/>
62. Promotions do not exist in the NSS.<br/>
63. Even if they DO exist, promotions are not earned in the following ways:<br/>
on the basis of beating a superior officer in a duel to the death,<br/>
first blood,<br/>
first to shout ‘uncle’<br/>
arm wrestling<br/>
or ‘last to get caught by Marie’</p><p>64. None of you are allowed to “booby trap the Base to defend against Octarians”.<br/>
65. The Base is meant to be secret. Stop getting fast-food deliveries here, guys.<br/>
66. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.<br/>
67.  Agent Three is not allowed to lurk in the shadowy rafters spying on people, unless specifically instructed to do so for an official NSS sanctioned mission.<br/>
68. Agents One and Four, along with Pearl, should refrain from dragging Marina and Agent Eight into their chaos.<br/>
69. Rule 68 still applies if Marina and/or Agent Eight “looked lonely”.<br/>
70. When on an official NSS mission Agents may not attempt something they ‘saw in a cartoon’<br/>
71. Ditto for something they  “saw in a video game once”<br/>
72. Crucifixes do not ward off Marie, and I should not test that.<br/>
73. The proper response to a scolding from Marie is not “That’s what you think”.<br/>
74. I am not allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on NSS time or anytime in which I get paid<br/>
75. I am not allowed to join the Communist Party<br/>
76. The revolution is not now, even though Chaos won.<br/>
77. The proper way to greet Marie is ‘How was your day?’ not ‘You can’t prove a thing!’<br/>
78. Agents One, Four, and Pearl are not allowed to be left alone with silly string.<br/>
79. Nobody is allowed to goad Pearl into using her Killer Wail.<br/>
80. Not even if it’s funny or otherwise deserved.<br/>
81. Successful coups are not allowed<br/>
82. Neither are unsuccessful ones.<br/>
83. Agents are to refrain from placing bets on each other while on missions<br/>
84. Agents are not allowed to demand a lawyer every time they are told off by Marie.<br/>
85. Marie is not a cop, and agents do not have ‘the right to remain silent’ instead of briefing her.<br/>
86. The Great Zapfish is NOT allowed to be used during chaotic plans made by any Agents<br/>
87. Neither are regular Zapfish.<br/>
88. Mini Zapfish can’t be used by Callie.<br/>
89. Just because Agent Four does not watch TV does not mean the others can convince them that their favourite Splatfest team won.<br/>
90. That means you, Callie.<br/>
91. Just because Marie falls asleep with any of you around does NOT mean you can draw a moustache on her.<br/>
92. It was only funny the first time.<br/>
93. Agents are no longer allowed to have prank wars.<br/>
94. You are not allowed to make up stories about “what happened to the other 10,007 participants”.<br/>
95. Agents will not bring Magic 8 Balls to practice or NSS missions.<br/>
96. Stop traumatizing Eight.<br/>
97.  Synchronized panicking is not a proper battle plan.<br/>
98. Agents will not add ‘according to the prophecy’ to the end of every sentence.<br/>
99. Agents will not use the NSS group chat for memes. It’s for MISSIONS, guys..<br/>
100. If Marina says breaking any of the rules is okay, still check with Marie. Pearl has convinced her one too many times..</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>